Monday, January 3, 2011

The Tenth Day of Christmas

Today's embarrassing moment occurred very recently.

I'm Not a Creepy Lady

So, I was visiting Endeavor at her middle school for lunch.  The middle school she goes to is very large, and--don't tell her this--I'm still not sure I know my way around it, yet.  Actually, I am sure I don't know my way around it.  But, I decided to go eat lunch with her anyway.

The only problem was, I really, really, had to go to the bathroom.  Since there were just a few minutes  to spare before Endeavor came to the lunch room, and the halls weren't swarming with kids yet, I quickly ducked into the first restroom I saw.  I had to go so badly that I dropped my purse and coat on the handy bench just inside the doorway.  (Obviously, the pressure on my bladder was so great that I wasn't able to clearly think through the possible consequences of leaving my purse unattended in a middle school bathroom.)

So, like I said, I dropped my purse and coat and dashed around the corner to find the first available stall, only to discover that there weren't any stalls in this particular restroom, except for one waaaaaay down at the other end of the room.

But there were urinals.

I had walked into the boys' restroom.

Luckily, no one was using the urinals, but I did startle two boys at the sink.  I gasped, and said in dismay, "I didn't see the sign!  I'm not a creepy lady!" then I whirled around and ran out of the restroom, leaving my coat and purse behind me.

Endeavor found me outside of the cafeteria, blushing furiously, without a purse or coat.  "Endeavor!"  I hissed.  "I just left my coat and purse in the boys' restroom over there!  I don't know what to do!  I'm afraid someone will take them!  I have to go back for them!"

Endeavor stared at me in horror.  "Mom!" she gasped.  "What were you doing in the boys' restroom?"

I felt like crying.  "I don't know, Endeavor, I didn't see the sign!  I thought it was the girls' restroom!  I'm not a creepy lady!"

"Well, you can't go back in there, Mom," Endeavor said sagely, "or you will be a creepy lady."

"I know, I know!" I wailed.  "Don't you know someone who could go in and get them, for me?"

Endeavor sighed.  "Mom, this is really embarrassing.  And I'm late for lunch.  I think you had better go find the janitor or the principle or somebody."

What could I do, but follow my eleven-year-olds' advice?  I walked into the cafeteria, and started to look around for the principal.  I finally saw him, a man in a pin-striped suit who looked strangely identical to my A.P. American History teacher, wearing a name tag that said, "Principal."

Somehow, I thought if I approached him casually, making a joke out of the whole situation, it would be better.  So, I went up, punched him on the arm, and said, "What's the deal with not having any signs on the restroom doors, dude?"

To which he replied, "Dude, are you dissing my school?" as he put me in a headlock and vigorously rubbed my scalp with his fist.

It was at this point that I realized I was dreaming and woke up.

Upon waking, my first conscious thought was, "Oh good, I can't wait to write about this on my blog!  I wasn't sure I could remember another embarrassing moment.  But luckily, I just had one, and I can use that one for Day 10!"  Then, I promptly fell back asleep, content that I had just found the subject for Day 10.

The next morning, I woke up, and realized that I had just dreamed an embarrassing moment to write in my blog.  As if what happens in real life isn't enough, I have my subconscious working overtime to make sure that I have plenty of subject matter.  And you know what?

That's embarrassing.

Just to make sure we are all clear on this:  I did not actually walk into the boys' restroom at Endeavor's middle school at any time, nor did Endeavor's middle school principle ever put me in a headlock.  Furthermore, Endeavor wishes me to state, for the record, that I should never join her for lunch at her middle school.  It was all a dream.  An embarrassing dream, but a dream, nonetheless.  Also for the record, I'm really not a creepy lady.

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious! I have embarrassing dreams too! Glad you got to wake up from it!