A Time and a Season

Not long ago, I was at the dentist or some other place where the person I was talking to didn't know me very well.  We'd already discussed that I had three children at three different schools.  Somehow, I said something about sewing, which led the conversations to things I liked to make, and eventually, the person I was talking to said something like, "Wow!  You are amazing!  How do you do it all?"

Like I said, it was someone who doesn't know me very well.  Or else they would know that there is toilet paper all over the floor of my children's bathroom, there is mascara spilled in my bathroom sink, a load and a half of dishes waiting to be done, a mysterious smell coming from my son's bedroom, a kitchen floor that hasn't been mopped for.....a while....., and a freakish spider invasion in the basement rec room.  I don't do it all.  I pretty much do what I have to do and what I want to do, and often ignore the rest. 

Here's the thing.  Along with the blogs that I check on regularly to get ideas for my house, I have another group of blogs that I check on regularly to get or give support to other families finding their way around Holland.  Each day, I find myself viewing the inside of two very different worlds: the shiny, pretty world where children pose in bright, handmade clothes on slipcovered couches and painted chairs, with burlap banners proclaiming the joy of the season behind them, as their mothers pull another batch of their signature cookies from the oven......and the less comfortable world where the children pose with their latest feeding tube or portable heart monitor next to a stack of laundry that needs folding while their mothers try to sound brave about the surgery that is around the corner and the fact that they haven't had a decent night's sleep since they came back from their last hospital stay.  I take notes on things I can replicate in my own home from the shiny world, and I make lists of people to pray for and symptoms to watch for from the other world.  It is a strange dichotomy.

During those times when I struggle with the contrast of those two worlds, I have to remember that there is a time and a season for all things.  I have to trust in a loving Father in Heaven, and have faith that He has a plan for all of His children.  We are each here to learn and to grow and--especially--to experience joy.  How we discover that joy in our lives, despite our individual trials, is up to us.  We don't all experience the same trials nor do we share similar opportunities for personal learning and growth, thank goodness!  Our experiences are going to to be as unique as we are.  The timing of our tests and our blessings and even our miracles are going to be different, too.

A time and a season.   Things can change so quickly.  I found these pictures taken on a family vacation, just before Superkid was diagnosed with her congenital heart defect.

And these, taken a few weeks after Superkid's diagnosis, when we were at Boston Children's Hospital, awaiting an experimental treatment that would hopefully delay open heart surgery. 

I could not have guessed, on the day the first set of pictures was taken, what twists and turns my own personal journey was going to take.  I could not have imagined, then, what it would be like to learn to insert a feeding tube into my baby's nose or what it would be like to select a place to bury my baby.  In the second set of pictures, I was learning to imagine those things, but I couldn't yet envision how my life could ever be "normal" again. 

Is my life normal, yet?  Not really.  Not in the way I thought it would be, when the sun was shining as I dipped my baby's feet in the water.  But it is also different, and better, and more manageable than I imagined it would be when I cried that day in the garden at Boston Children's Hospital. 



Those times and seasons are ever changing, and none of us can ever predict what new experiences will be ours with the next breeze.  For some of us, the tragedy of our day is running out of glue sticks before finishing the wreath we wanted to make, and for others the measure of a successful day is one in which our child didn't have to be admitted to the hospital.  Let's be kind to one another, recognize that we are all doing our best with what we've been given, and support one another as we go through these times and seasons at our own pace.  If an empty glue gun is currently your only concern, then pray for the mother who is wondering how much longer she'll have a baby to hold.  And, if you are just hoping to come home from the hospital today, then know that this, too, shall pass; there will be time to make other memories and maybe even a wreath or two.

May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness....Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Birthday Cake

We were soooo busy today, doing last minute errands and appointments before our trip.  The children, the dog, and I left the house before 8 A.M., hurrying off to get Hunter a couple of shots he needed before our trip.  Then it was off to the groomer's, to clip Hunter's nails.  I had just enough time take Hunter home, pay a few medical bills, and serving an early lunch before dropping the kids off to play with friends while I got a haircut.  Picking up the kids, we hurried off to turn in our library books and keep one more doctor's appointment, the last follow-up from my sinus surgery (everything looks great!).  Stops at Target, Kohl's and the mall were next.  A sudden downpour drenched us as we ran to our parked car.  We made it just before closing time to the tailor shop.  Somewhere in all that were two separate trips to ATM machines and a stop for gas.  Our final stop was at the grocery store, where we--dripping wet, all of us--picked out a birthday cake.

Because we weren't too busy to remember that today, July 15th, was the day we met Lily for the first time.  Her birthday!

You can read more about Lily in this post and this one.  She's our fourth baby.

Lily celebrated her first birthday just a few weeks before she died.  That birthday was one of our best days as a family, ever. 

In fact, it was so good, that we keep celebrating Lily's birthday, even though she's only with us in spirit, now.  I let Endeavor, Justone, and Superkid plan the parties.  They are good party planners.  Last year, we were in Utah with our cousins on Lily's birthday.  I don't remember the specifics of the party, but there were more helium balloons than we could handle.  Since we were so busy today, my event planners kept it simple this year, with a birthday dinner and cake.

Carrot cake, because Lily loved carrots. 

We lit three candles on the cake, because this would be Lily's third birthday.

Once, some well-meaning person asked if it was "appropriate" for us to keep celebrating Lily's birthday.  After all, they reasoned in hushed tones, "She passed away."

I flippantly answered that if we could celebrate the birthdays of dead presidents as national holidays, it was perfectly appropriate for our family to celebrate the birth of our Lily.  Honestly, some people just don't get it.

We, on the other hand, got Lily.  On July 15, 2007.  And though we may have only held her in our arms for a short time, she gave us so much love.  She taught us so many things.  She made us complete.  We are so grateful that Lily is a part of our forever family.  And we will be thrilled to see her again.

That will be a party! 

Oh, the Places I've Been!

Remember that Dr. Seuss book that people like to give graduates?

It's full of nuggets of wisdom, like this:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. 

You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

As you know, I've been very sentimental this week, due to it being the fifth anniversary of our move to Indiana.  Early this morning, as I loaded the dishwasher and tried to clean up my kitchen--which was a complete disaster due to three batches of homemade bread and a batch of bar cookies, yesterday, and don't even get me started on what happened with my oven--I was thinking deep thoughts.  About Dr. Seuss's words and my own life....and how I ended up in suburban Indiana, instead of a remote sheep ranch in Montana. 

I'm going to share, because I have a blog.

Sometime between the ages of 15 and 20, I came up with a life plan.  It went something like this:

1.  Go to college.  Graduate.  (The course of study and degree were always different, depending on my interests at any given moment, but usually it was something to do with music.  Or theater.  Or musical theater.)

2.  Travel the world.  Learn several languages.  (It was unclear whether I would be doing this as an opera singer, a missionary, or tourist.)

3.  Meet a wealthy rancher who shared my passion for music, theater, adventure, and travel.  Fall in love with him.  Marry him.  (I'm totally not kidding.  A rancher.  Where did this come from?  One childhood trip to Montana to visit my brother, who was working on a sheep ranch one summer during college, and quite possibly the very tame Harlequin novels my mother and grandmother loved reading about romance on New Zealand sheep ranches.  There, I admit it.)

4.  Move to the rancher's remote ranch, which was going to be in Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Colorado, South Dakota, or....New Zealand.

5.  Become a really good cook, because I'd have to feed all the ranch hands.  And get really good at riding horses, because that's what rancher's wives do, right?  Ride a horse all over the ranch to rendezvous with her ruggedly handsome rancher husband......

6.  Have lots of babies, there on the ranch.  Approximately 6-8.  Homeschool all of them, because our ranch would be so remote.  (I had several handy lists of names.  One list was of names that all started with the letter B.  Another list was of names that were inspired by L.M. Montgomery's books; the twins were Matthew and Marilla.)

Have you heard of Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman?  Call the police!  I think she stole my life!

I kid, I kid. (But still....it's kind of suspicious, don't you think?)


Well, I got off to a good start with my list.  Thank goodness that the first thing on my list was "Go to college," right?  (And thank goodness my parents never took me to Disney World, because if I'd had any idea I could make money dressing up like Ariel or Tinkerbell, or singing and dancing in the streets, I might not have made it to college.  Whew, that was a close one!)

1.  I went to college.  I started out as a Music Therapy major.  I switched to Vocal Performance.  Then I switched to Musical Theater.  Then I changed my major to Interior Design.  At this point, something dawned on me: roughly 98% of the men I met in those majors were not interested in me.....or any other woman, for that matter.  While the plan was to graduate and see the world before I got married, I still wanted to have a social life.  So I changed majors again.  To instructional technology.  (Whaaaaat?)  That was short-lived.  Then there was a brief stint in elementary education.  By this time, I had spent more than two years in college and gone through six majors.  I decided to finish college as quickly as possible and move on to traveling the world and learning several languages.  So, I majored in English.  

Because writing long essays has never been a problem for me. 


Also because by that time I'd developed a strategy for fulfilling step #2 in my life plan, "Travel the World."  

I was going to become an English teacher and teach for the Department of Defense at overseas military bases.  Which would make it affordable to see the world.  Also, my wise father thought his flighty youngest daughter might be improved by some time as a missionary, so, with his encouragement, I was aiming for that, too.

Did I mention that I attended a university that was known for its agricultural school?  You would think I might have actually met a rancher, there.  Au contraire, my friends, au contraire.  (See?  I learned a little French.  About that much.)


I did meet two nice young men that grew up on a ranch, but they were majoring in business and physical education.  And, they were also the Bionic Man's roommates.


Bringing us--somewhat prematurely--to step number three:


3.  Meet a wealthy rancher an aerospace engineer who shared my passion for adventure and travel (paragliding, anyone?)--and tolerated my passion for music and theater.  Fall in love with him.  (No problem....somehow the lack of a ranch was not not a deterrant.)  Marry him.  I did!  

And, by the way, check out the length of that veil.....

By this time, I'd really got off track from my list.  I attempted to get back on track.


First, I graduated from college.  Part of #1.


1.  Go to college.  Graduate.

I'd like to take this opportunity to assure you that I was not fifteen when I graduated from college.  Despite the photographic evidence otherwise.....I was actually twenty-two. 


Then, I set off to see the world, with my new husband, the Bionic man.  This fulfilled step #2 and part of step #4:

2.  See the world and learn several languages German.

4.  Move to the rancher's remote ranch wherever the aerospace engineer could get a job.  Which ended up being the East Coast and Europe, for a few years.

As you can see, I was off to a good start with #6:

6.  Have lots of babies.  Even though none were born on a remote ranch, I did manage to have three prenatal appointments in Munich, Germany.  Impressive, eh?  And I did have three children in four years.  As I said, a good start!

Um....I'm still working on #5.


5.  Become a really good cook.  At this point, I'm willing to just let the Pioneer Woman handle all that.  Ranch hands on a remote ranch in Montana or Colorado should be very grateful that I fell in love with an aerospace engineer, instead of their boss.  Very grateful, indeed.


Somehow, I really never got past the list of baby names in my life plan.  And four babies to name has been enough.

Some of the places I've been definitely never got listed with my other youthful aspirations.  Because, when a seventeen-year-old girl makes a list of her life plans, she just can't imagine some of the places she'll go nor how she'll get there.  Case in point:  Indiana was not on my list.  Hospitals weren't on my list.  Neither were cemeteries. 

And....there’s a very good chance 

you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. 

There are some, down the road between hither and yon, 

that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. 

On you will go though your enemies prowl. 

On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. 

Onward up many a frightening creek, 

though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. 

On and on you will hike. 

And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

So....where am I, now?  I'm glad, for one thing, that I don't have to cook for ranch hands or homeschool my kids or smell cows all day.  And I'm blessed to be the daughter of a Heavenly Father who knew that I could handle a different variety of experiences than the ones I aspired to as a naive teenager.  I'm grateful that He's sent me to places I never dreamed of, let me learn to love so many wonderful people that I met along the way, and given me so many opportunities to grow and stretch in ways I never imagined. 

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
.....you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

 -Dr. Seuss

For this journey to great heights is not any ordinary journey....And how shall we scale this mountain? One faithful step at a time." - Elaine L. Jack

Holland and Spring

Notice my new header?  Yep, I found another gorgeous scene from the Netherlands to grace my blog.


You may have noticed that I use my blog for all kinds of things.  My blog is the blogging equivalent of a casserole: I throw in whatever I feel like at the moment and serve it out with a smile.  One day I'm complaining about laundry, another I'm bragging about a rare moment of craftiness.  One day I stand on a soapbox, another day I sit down and dish on our latest trip to a doctor's office.  And every so often I discuss Gacky Sage vs. Silver Sage. 

I began blogging to sort out and record the way I felt about some of the challenges in my life: children with special medical needs, the death of my youngest daughter, my evolving roles as wife and mother.  In fact, I named my blog after an essay written by Emily Perl Kingsley, "Welcome to Holland," which illustrates some of those challenges so well.  (You can read it here.)

Looking back, I can see that I have done a lot of sorting and recording.  But along the way, I think my blogging has begun to accomplish something I didn't expect: it documents the fact that despite some unanticipated challenges in my life, I've continued to read and write and do laundry and plan menus and go on vacations and sew things and make dinner and make cupcakes and give my husband  Valentines and give my kids haircuts and do things with friends and laugh at myself and paint my kitchen and.....so many other things.  I've continued to live and find joy in living.  There were some dark days, when I wasn't sure doing all that could be possible.  I'm so, so, grateful for the gift of time, and for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for all of us.

If you are living through some dark days yourself, take heart.  Or, as we like to say at our house, "Hold on Tight and Choose the Right!"  There are brighter days to come.

Maybe your life isn't going the way you expected, right now, but stop, look around you, and see if you discover some beauty in your own landscape.  After all, "...Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts." 

Today, in the spirit of Emily Perl Kingsley's essay, I want to share some of the things that make spring in real Holland wonderful.  I'll leave it up to you to find the parallels in your own personal piece of "Holland."

From www.krolltravel.com:

Few people realize that tulips did not originate in Holland. They were first imported from Turkey in 1554 as collectors' items. By the 17th century, the speculation in bulbs became a mania.

Merchants were so obsessed with their beauty that they would pay thousands of dollars for a single bulb. The tulip even gained a stock market value and fortunes were both made and lost.

Tulips are still a big business for Holland. Bulb fields stretch for miles across the countryside. During the peak season, a rainbow of vivid colors carpets the earth for as far as the eye can see.

From http://www.infohub.com/Articles/traveluv5.html,  Holland, Everything's Coming Up Tulips:

Add to this picture the fabulous annual mid-April Flower Parade of the Dutch Bulb District. Consisting of approximately twenty bloom-covered floats, each covered with about 100,000 flowers, it is similar to California's Rose Parade in the U.S., except that this parade consists of floats covered with bulb flowers and is an all-day, on-going trek from one town to another. The gorgeous procession travels from Noordwijk, in the heart of the blub fields, to Haarlem, about 24 miles (40 kilometers) away. 

 There are more than 10,600 miles (17,000 km) of designated bicycle tracks around the Netherlands.  The landscape is generally flat, making it ideal for bike rides.  

Wouldn't it be great to see sights like these?  Windmills and tulips?  Imagine doing so while you pedal along at a leisurely pace, on your designated bike path!  (Am I making you want to go on a bike tour of Holland, right now?)

Just think of the pictures you'd come home with after a trip to Holland in the spring!

 Did you know that besides tulips and windmills and Rembrandts, Holland has diamonds?

 The diamond trade in Amsterdam attracts millions of tourists and buyers from around the world.  Many famous diamonds were cut and polished in Amsterdam. 

Let's go back to Rembrandts.  Holland does have Rembrandts, and this is one of my favorites:

The Night Watch

One thing I didn't know--but should have guessed--is that Holland has tulips named after Rembrandt!  They are very stripey and striking, like this:

 From Emily Perl Kingsley's essay, "Welcome to Holland":

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

 I hope you have a moment to find and enjoy the beauty in  

your own unexpected journey, today.

This post has been linked to Tuesdays Unwrapped at Chatting at the Sky.